Posted by: Janahan Balasingham   in Experience, Opinions

If someone wronged you or harmed you purposely and then after a while asks for forgiveness, are you expected to forgive them regardless of how you feel? Is it immoral or inhumane to not forgive someone? Will you be the wrong one for not forgiving someone who asked to be forgiven?

Now this is not about me. It is about a friend of mine so I can’t really go into details. But the summary is that someone did something hurtful to him a while back and now asked for forgiveness. He doesn’t want to forgive but our friends were advising him to forgive that person and that is the humane act. I personally couldn’t agree with that. So this question was in my mind all day.

My personal opinion regarding forgiveness is pretty clear. One should ask for forgiveness and will get it only if they did something wrong/harmful unintentionally. If they purposely and knowingly did something that would be harmful, then it doesn’t deserve forgiveness. They meant it when they did/say it so that means its spilled milk. No point in trying to make peace with what they did because what was said/done was done. The damage is done and it cannot be fixed after that. And apologizing for it won’t change anything other than ease the conscience of the person who did the harmful act.

Maybe this explains why I have many haunting memories of my past sins. Because of my take on forgiveness, I cannot seem to subconsciously forgive myself for the actions I’ve done. Even though I regret them now, it won’t change anything in the past. And I can’t expect it to go away even if I apologize to the people I’ve harmed back then.

So I put those who harmed me in the same position as I put myself. I may have moved on but I did not forgive them for their actions because they did it intentionally.

Am I wrong to feel the way I do? I know it’s easy to say “let go of the memories so you can find peace”. But because of my take on forgiveness, I find it hard to do so. And that is how I look at things for others too. So my opinion for my friend is to not forgive because of what others say unless he can truly forgive that person. Is it right for me to say that to him? Or am I leading him in the wrong way (the way I have been going myself)?


This entry was posted on Saturday, February 5th, 2011 at 6:04 pm and is filed under Experience, Opinions. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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