Apologies are not so easy

   Posted by: Janahan Balasingham   in Experience, Personal, Relationships

Like I’ve said many times, I have commitment issues. I dislike the idea of being in a relationship or being responsible of somebody other than myself. Because if I screw up, I will not only be blamed for destruction of my future but someone else’s too. I don’t want to face that burden in my life. And I also love my freedom and independence.

It took me a long while to get into a relationship after my first romance. Emma and myself were both not looking for anything serious so we decided to give a go at it and if it becomes a burden, we can cut it off and go our separate ways as friends. Since we both know one another very well, we keep our boundaries and not do anything that might compromise that. So I don’t feel like I have something more to worry about other than myself.

Ofcourse all relationships requires a little bit of compromising. Nobody can be 100% themselves and be in a relationship with someone else who have different personality. I did have to compromise but thankfully it is not anything huge. One of the biggest compromise I would have to say that I did was putting limits on my computer life. Unless I was out with friends, I used to spend all the time in front of computers. Emma on the other hand uses minimum computer as possible. For example, I enjoy reading e-books while she loves the feel of hardback books. So that was a compromise I had to do. Whenever I am at her place or out with friends, I had to keep my addiction to computer or online or mobile to the minimum.

Last Sunday, I made a mess of things. It was a typical Sunday and since it wasn’t sunny, we spent the afternoon at her place rearranging things. I was doing the manual labor of carrying things around while she was doing the cooking (she’s a much better cook than me). Around 8, we finished all the work and she had put the chicken in the Oven (she was making Roast Chicken). She wanted to get some things from the local supermarket and since I did the heavy lifting, I was in charge of switching the oven off while she did the shopping. I was supposed to reduce the temp after the initial high temp roasting. But I was in the computer and totally forgot about the chicken and the time.

When she came back after shopping, the chicken was burnt. She was furious after she found out that I forgot about the chicken because I was in the computer (not sure why but I didn’t lie). I knew I was at wrong there but for some reason my ego was up. So I started to argue instead of apologizing. Really stupid move on my part. The argument got heated up and finally she made her own sandwiches for dinner and went to bed without speaking to me.

I was torn on what to do. I thought of going back to my place for the night but for some reason I couldn’t. Kept feeling like I should patch things up with her before I leave. So sat up all night wondering how I can resolve the problem peacefully in the morning without agitating her before she went to work. Looked for some suggestions from my friends in facebook and twitter. One of the friends’ suggestion (Prasath) gave me the idea of flowers. So went for a quick drive early in the morning to the nearest Petrol station which has flowers and bought a single flower (not sure of it’s name but it’s the only good one from the limited collection that smelled fresh and looked nice). Made her pancakes for breakfast and left them in a tray in her bed stand with a stick it note saying “Sorry”. Came back downstairs feeling somewhat satisfied and almost fell asleep in the couch (have to say that her couch is really comfortable for sleeping).

She came downstairs after a short while and woke me up. She seemed in a good mood and we had a nice calm talk where I apologized verbally once again for acting stupidly. And we agreed that we’ll try to prevent this from happening in the future. I’ll have to remember what I must do if I agree and she agreed to leave me a reminder in my mobile additionally to asking me to do something verbally (I remember better when the reminder in my iphone alerts me about it).

Overall, it was the 1st hurdle we faced as a couple. In an almost 3–year relationship, that is a pretty good track record. Before this, all we ever disagreed about is taking different sides in a movie or a discussion with a friend. Have to wait and see what comes next.

I wonder how the story of me burning roast chicken is going to be mocked by my friends next time we meet. It’s not like they don’t have enough ammunition on me already.


This entry was posted on Wednesday, June 8th, 2011 at 10:59 am and is filed under Experience, Personal, Relationships. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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