Birthday Celebrations

   Posted by: Janahan Balasingham   in Experience, Personal, Relationships

Yesterday was my 27th birthday. I was quite excited about this year because after long time, I was going to celebrate it with my mother who is in UK right now. I planned to go to her place in the morning as a surprise and get her blessings. But all my plans changed with my experience from last week.

Last week was one of my University module’s group presentation. I expected it to go bad because of lack of co-ordination in the group. If this was a few years ago, I would have been trying to do everyone’s work to get it completed in time and push people to finish their work and get ready for the presentation. But this year, I simply couldn’t care about it. I believe I did my part correctly but I didn’t try to do others’ work for them. I didn’t even try to communicate with everyone either because I didn’t want to go back to my old self who just lets everyone use him. I had to learn my lesson sometime right? The stress of doing everyone’s work is not worth the grade or money I save in the end.

Anyways, as expected, the presentation was a failure and now I will have to resit once they come back with the results. Honestly speaking, this MSc plan is really not worth it. I paid a lot of money for this and I feel like it’s going down the drain. The modules were not exciting and I didn’t learn much in this course which is almost over (1 more term left including final project and 1 resit from this term). I did not get high grades and I don’t expect to graduate with distinction in this. I should have done MSCE instead of this because that would have been more related to my area and it would be more practical experience than theory.

So on my birthday, I didn’t feel anything worthy to celebrate. Went early in the morning to the gym and took out my anger in the bag until my fists started hurting. Went back to Emma’s place and as expected, she was all bright and shiny about my birthday. Had a nice breakfast and she asked me what I wanted to do. I had to cancel my visit to see my mom because I didn’t feel good or proud to go and see her. I honestly wanted to get lost so that I can get my head cleared. I find that to be a really helpful way to get my mind back in track and focused. So I told her that I wanted to go for a ride and she agreed to accompany me. She wanted to spend the day with me so she came along on my ride. We got into the car and I started driving without any destination. Kept on driving until we reached a secluded area off the highway and parked the car. I had no idea where I was because I just kept turning when I felt like it. Usually I follow the instructions of my GPS because I am not a good navigator without instructions. It was cold outside but not freezing.

I decided to take a walk with Emma down the road. There were trees on both sides with a long stretch of lane and we walked all the way while I was lost in my mind. I kept trying to evaluate my bad decisions in life and my current position. I did not make the right decisions quite often and while many of them were made for me instead of me taking the decision, I chose to follow it. If I make the bad decisions, there will be people pointing at me saying “I told you so” but if I follow their decision and fail, they won’t back me up because it is my life after all. I decided that it was time for me to stop letting others decide for me and if there’s something I should do, I must do it myself than rely on others. If I can’t afford it financially, then I need to find my finance than look for a loan from others and therefore become indebted to them and let them have power over decisions (like what I did with my MSc course decision).

I kept brainstorming with Emma about it and she pointed out certain facts while mostly agreeing with me. And I’ve known her a long time to know that she makes the right choices most of the time. Maybe I should have consulted with her about the MSc and I may not be where I am right now. But what’s happened has happened. Can’t change that and there’s no point in wallowing over it. With my mind cleared a bit and focused, we returned back to the car and drove back. On our way, we came across a diner which is pretty rare to see. I remembered all the diners they show in the movies so I wanted to eat in there for a change. They had authentic burger (massive size) with tasty chips. Far superior to the ones they serve in the normal chicken shops or even Nandos (ofcourse certain restaurants serve quality like this but they are overpriced). Had a tasty lunch and drove back. Went to watch a movie (Despicable Me) after that and came home late.

When we got to her place, a lot of my friends had planned a surprise party for me. Apparently Emma’s job was to keep me away for most of the day (guess that explained her impromptu visit to the movies). And knowing my friends, they would throw a party whenever they get a chance and they made my birthday as the excuse for it. Had a beer shower upon entry (normal routine) and then the party started. We normally don’t have a party at her place since she lives in a connected houses instead of a detached one so the noise will be a problem. But because they couldn’t throw the party at my place, her place was their alternative choice. Party was not as wild as they normally get and it ended around 1am. Some of the guys who were too drunk to drive ended up sleeping in the couch.

Overall, this birthday gave me some clarity of how my life is progressing and it ended with a party. So it wasn’t that bad of a day. Now all I need to do is put my cleared mind to good use.

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This entry was posted on Monday, December 13th, 2010 at 2:07 pm and is filed under Experience, Personal, Relationships. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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